55 years and counting

 

 

One recent morning Annette asked me what day it was. I replied Friday. This type of question wasn’t too surprising because the days blur together and on one occasion I was convinced it was Wednesday when in fact it was Thursday. I had a modicum of excuse that some TV programs had been postponed a day and I was using them as a reference point. No what date she insisted and I realised it was our wedding anniversary. Furthermore it was 55 years since our wedding.

We were just starting to leave the house post lockdown  and I suggested coffee at the local garden centre ( outdoors ) as a ( very) modest acknowledgement. As we hadn’t visited there for many months it was interesting to see all the changes

Looking back it very clear the high points were our children. Martin was born in 1973 and we were absolutely thrilled. His conception had not been trouble free and he was an interest and delight from day 1. Alison born in 1974 only 20 months later which wasn’t ideal timing but we were very pleased nonetheless. This did mean that Annette,, who had given up work, had the onerous job of raising two small children. Fortunately they got on very well together. In fact Alison’s first word was not mama or dada but buffer as she couldn’t quite say brother. We were so convinced that we had completed our family that we disposed of all our baby gear.

Even when courting we had thought the ideal number of children was three and after a few years we decided to go for number three with Frances born in 1978. She fitted in straight away. Martin was very proud of his baby sister and insisted she was taken to his school, which he had just started, to exhibit to his teacher.

Maybe we were fortunate but the children have remained close to each other and a great source of interest to us as parents. We now delight in grandchildren as they each have a boy and a girl. Both our girls were outstanding students and gained high academic honours .Martin had a terrible time at university as I recount below and is a tribute to his character that he managed to finish his course, albeit a year late.

I had issues with redundancy twice in a year but this was surmounted until I had a stroke in 1993. Fortunately although a massive blow I had great support from my wife. It was unfortunate that at the same time I had a nodule on my vocal chord. Full anaesthesia is dangerous for stroke patients so I had the minimum necessary for the vocal chord op. I wasn’t quite at the stage of drinking a pint of rum and then biting down on a stick as in Napoleonic era naval days but it certainly wasn’t an experience I would wish to repeat. I was working for Castrol at the time and I had magnificent support. My boss ensured that a colleague visited me every few weeks during the seven months I was away. I had just been allocated a portable computer which I had with me and it proved invaluable not least because my handwriting had become very poor. Although not Internet enabled I could communicate with colleagues without talking (with poor speech ) and remaining sitting.

I returned to work for nearly two years. I used to joke it was the best paid therapy in the world. Even so I retired early from full time work. I volunteered for early retirement and was only slightly miffed that nobody argued that I should stay because I was so valuable.

I had only just returned to work when Martin, our eldest son, was diagnosed with Hodgkins disease , a type of cancer. It was fortunate in retrospect that Martin was at Salford University and was referred to Christie hospital in Manchester with its superb reputation. The cancer staff worked closely with the adjacent cancer research centre. Martin had to suspend his course of study and undergo 6 months of chemotherapy followed by a short and intense course of radiotherapy. Annette assumed heavy burdens during this time..

In hindsight returning to University days after finishing treatment wasn’t a good idea. Following a long standing undertaking his girlfriend had gone to Australia on a one year working visa. This, and all the accumulated stress, made completing his studies difficult and he wanted to drop out. I was able to persuade him to finish only by promising his fare to Australia  to see her. This worked extremely well as he joined her for the final few months of her year and also on a working visa. They worked together in Sydney and later were able to make a trip to New Zealand.

I have rarely felt so proud as on his return. I had gone to meet him at Heathrow and I was quite bowled over by the smart, bronzed man I met. I really felt his few months in Oz had cemented his cure. His smartness had earned an airline upgrade to business class. As for the girl; he married her and they now have two lovely children themselves..

We celebrated our half century by a trip to Australia and New Zealand. Both marvellous countries and a shame they are so far away, we found the journey forbidding. I shall need to think of a suitable Diamond wedding gift. ( Yes, I realise diamonds are obvious )