Housewarming

We moved into our first house in 1968. It was a new house and we had watched it being built with interest tempered with some worry about quality.. Pretty much as soon as we  moved I started getting half joking queries about the housewarming. We eventually decided with some trepidation to have a housewarming party. We had lived on Merseyside long enough to make friends in addition to our work colleagues. Annette had been teaching in Birkenhead for a couple of years while I was well established at Unilever Research. The timing was decided as we didn’t want it before carpets were fitted as the original vinyl flooring could withstand abuse. We also owed a little bit of return for favours such as the boyfriend of one Annette’s colleagues who connected up our cooker.

The move was done on the cheap. I hired a van to carry our fairly few possessions from our rented flat. We also made a trip back to the Midlands to pick up items donated by our parents. With a nearly blank canvas we spend happy hours deciding on furniture etc. Some was from Habitat in Manchester and others from Christian Sell in London. This latter necessitated a weekend trip to see before buying. The Habitat storage units are still in use today. My only regret is not buying more however carrying the six we bought in my Hillman Imp required driving back along the South Lancs road crammed against the steering wheel

One question I was often asked at work was about supplies for the party. I’m not much of a drinker and I was very unsure. On the afternoon of the party I was questioned again by a friend at work who declared the amount of drink totally insufficient. He decided emergency measures were needed and suggested a rum punch recipe. I had grave doubts because this required a litre of Aristar alcohol from the laboratory stores. This was super high quality alcohol and was strictly for experimental use. Misuse was a grave offence with sacking likely. My friend airily dismissed my qualms and went off to get it; I’ve no idea what excuse he used as we had no conceivable laboratory need. I dimly recall other ingredients were bottles of lemonade and the final ingredient rum essence. I do recall the we had fruit floating around in the mix.

I had never used rum essence before. I was carefully schooled to use only a fixed small quantity. Blending up the punch this seemed totally inadequate so not realising it needed a little time I thought what the hell and added the whole bottle. Initially this seemed alright but as the evening wore on a strong smell of rum permeated the house.

One of the things I felt strongly about was garden ornaments, particularly the twee gnomes sometimes seen. None of those in my garden I asserted to my friends at work. As the evening progressed these same friends announced they had a present for us. I unwrapped it and it was a garden gnome. But not just any garden gnome but one in what I can only describe as one in a very suggestive posture leaning forward with a leer presenting its bottom. I think I just about laughed it off but I certainly hastened to a charity shop to donate it the next day.

One of my other objections was pets. I declared that no dogs were allowed in my house. This was the source of much comment accompanied by threats to turn up with pets. Thankfully nobody ever did.

I think the party was fairly successful. The house wasn’t that large and it was packed for the occasion. We were planning redecoration and Annette had painted a giant mural on one wall. This aroused a lot of comment as it was of two lovebirds. Frankly it was soon after covered by wallpaper with built in shelving in front.

A number of colleagues from other parts of the laboratory lived on our housing  estate  and I thought it politic to invite them. They included one fairly senior figure, a manager I actually knew slightly though our work contact. This was very nearly to led to an embarrassing incident. The Unilever Research lab was less than a mile away and I walked. One day shortly after  our party I was walking back with said senior manager. He said he had enjoyed the party and added he thought the punch was excellent and enquired after the recipe. This was very delicate and I sort of mumbled a vague response not daring to say the major ingredient was highly illegal alcohol. I lived in fear of being discovered for some time but never was. It seemed fitting that the recipe providing friend who obtained the alcohol left to become a bar owner some time afterwards.

In making this confession about laboratory alcohol I can only plead youthful foolishness and ask for the application of a statute of limitations.